Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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