fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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