i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
