i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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