I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my poor anus
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
