I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
