Cold hands, warm shart.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
