I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're a waste of cheezeits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
