So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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