I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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