i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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