Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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