so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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