So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
