beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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