saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
