It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
