He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
