That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
