Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
