i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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