my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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