Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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