I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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