I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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