I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
