We won't sleep together?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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