Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
