big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
