He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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