Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
