Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
