I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
