I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
