woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My ATM looks so different sober.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
