I got chris browned last night
...so i touched it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
