dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
