i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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