why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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