We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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