fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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