We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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