need another drink. this is the easiest way
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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