a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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