Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
