dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A bitchslap is in order.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
