Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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