I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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