So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
