I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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