Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
