he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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