Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
whose ass print is on the piano?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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