i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
