be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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