remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They have beer where we have blood.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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