I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
