New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I AM VODKA MAN
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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