It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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