The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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