3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
