i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
