Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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