So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
