I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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