We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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