where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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