I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
