My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
