I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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