I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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